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the uganda telecommunications system is hamstrung, clogged, ineffectual (should i go on?) since the three dominant cellphone companies – mtn, celtel, uganda telecom – started their 50% extra airtime campaigns simultaneously two months ago. the headache has caused enough national fervor that the uganda communications commission is intervening. today’s front-page headlines from the main daily newspapers: free airtime suspended (new vision), govt bans 50% airtime promos (daily monitor).

floods cutting off north and east uganda, stagnating peace talks in s. sudan, continued unrest in north kivu (eastern d.r. congo) and this makes front-page news? so, what’s the story?

the concept: 50% airtime promo gives you 50% extra free minutes each time you load airtime to call anyone on the network between 10pm and 6am. the reality: it’s 10 o’clock; you can’t make a phone call (inc. emergency) because all 30 mil ugandans are fighting in the satellite ether for the overburdened airwaves. no one wins – there are no texts, no calls, no nothing ‘cos the system crashed at 10 exactly and won’t recover until 6 tomorrow morning. no joke, the entire telecommunications system (no one has landlines here) of a whole country is out-of-commission for 8 hours a day. maybe you get thru, but you’re one of the few, the lucky… before long your call’s going to be dropped like the rest of us.

my bonus headache is that i’ve maxed out my limit on 50% extra time – who am i going to call 10-6 who’s on mtn? uh, no one – which prevents me from adding any minutes at all. luckily, i figured out a temporary workaround:
1. i give wilson (our guard) money to go down the hill to the roadside kiosk to buy scratch-off airtime cards
2. wilson loads the airtime into his phone
3. wilson transfers the airtime from his phone to mine (don’t ask me how he does it; tricks and codes, i assume)
4. i get ush 50,000/= airtime (enough to talk internationally for 50 min), the maximum allowed phone-to-phone transfer amount

the workaround is inconvenient for me, but there is a benefit – wilson gets the 50% extra time credited to his phone and can use it to call family, friends, and everyone else he never gets to talk to because it normally costs too much money. now it’s free! but, wait…he can’t connect to anyone anyway, so who cares if it’s free?

consider:
- uganda’s network can handle 25,000 calls at any one time
- mtn has 2m subscribers, celtel 1.2m, uganda telecom 700,000
didn’t anyone do the math? doubtful. clock strikes 10, assume only 75% (a conservative estimate, i imagine) of subscribers try to call and you’ve still got a call capacity of 25,000 knocking heads with a 2.9m call demand. c’mon people.

the papers report that the uganda communications commission is scheduled to ban the promos effective tomorrow, oct 24. god, i hope so.